I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
