: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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