I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
