She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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