My nipple is on Facebook.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
