I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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