Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
