Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
