I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
