Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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