New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
