things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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