I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
