We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
