Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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