last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
