ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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