Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
