I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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