Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
