I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
