I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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