your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
