I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
