Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
