I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
