Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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