In America we eat man semen.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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