This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
