where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
