if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
