ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
