Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
