So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
