Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
