the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
