just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
