Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
