quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
