You're so nebulous sometimes
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
