Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
