He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
