I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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