Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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