My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i dont even know how to be here
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
