You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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