he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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