if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
