lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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