I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
