I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
