Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Soap is not a condiment
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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