yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
